Instrumental vs. intuitive grievers
Martin and Doka describe the two styles of grieving in this way:
his wife would come back from work each day and go upstairs and have a good cry and he would be working, crafting the perfect memorial stone out of a piece of granite. As he’s chipping away at this granite and hearing his wife cry, he’s saying, “Why aren’t I grieving?
On the other hand, an instrumental griever would generally not benefit from being asked, “How do you feel?” What works better is to ask the instrumental griever, “What were your reactions?” “What kinds of things were you thinking about at the time of your loss?” Or, “What kinds of things did you do immediately after the death of your loved.
Instrumental grievers generally will have a need to know and act on their own strengths in times of crisis. They will link their action to their pain and be more future oriented and independent minded. Intuitive grievers on the other hand will gain benefit from a community of support and will need to verbally share their pain openly.
Instrumental grievers tend to have tempered affect to a loss. While intuitive grievers are more likely to experience their grief as waves of affect, instrumental grievers are more likely to describe it in physical or cognitive terms. While intuitive grievers often need to express their feelings and seek the support of others, instrumental grievers are more likely to cognitively process or immerse themselves in activity.
Terry L. Martin and Kenneth J. Doka, Men Don't Cry-Women Do: Transcending
Gender Stereotypes of Grief, Series in Death, Dying, and Bereavement (Philadelphia, PA:
Brunner/Mazel, 2000), 4.
[DOC] GRIEF Styles
Hall, Christopher. Grief and Bereavement. Better Health Channel, 2000.
Sep2000 (January 19, 2004).
Martin, Terry L., and Kenneth J. Doka. Men Don't Cry--Women Do: Transcending
Gender Stereotypes of Grief. Philadelphia, PA: Brunner/Mazel, 2000.
Meagher, David, and Terry Martin. Gender Influences on Grieving Styles. 2003.