Firstly, read all you can by Kübler-Ross. Simple start. Her works, both individual, and those co-written, are a fabulous window into the soul of those who go through death and dying.
Secondly, watch this video.
Atul Gawande articulates four points:
1. Do you know their prognosis?
2. What are their fears about what is to come?
3. What are their goals, what would they like to do as time runs short.
4. What are the trade-offs, what suffering are they willing to go through, what they are willing to make in the interests of quality of life, and time?
1. That the conversation is about hard choices. [It is a conversation about what they want to look forward to in terms of the dying process.]
2. That arriving at what we want at the end is an epiphany.
It is a process and a series of ups and downs as the sequence of life and death fulfills. There may or may not be AHA! moments.
Unfortunately, as is the way, this is a snippets of conversation and the full video must be paid for. I was most disappointed and direct you to other places.
This video compares and contrasts hope vs. having a sense of peace.